Mór Jókai

A Ball

 

 

Dearest Ilma,

 

I am in despair! I am very ill, and in bed! Ah! I shall never dance a quadrille again. I will go into a convent, or marry, or make away with myself in some other way. Conceive what has happened to me! Oh! it is too dreadful, too shocking! you never read such a thing in a romance!

 

You may have heard that the Hungarian troops marched through here last week, after the battle of Branyisko; there was the greatest panic and confusion at the news of their approach; we expected that they would have set fire to the town, and pillaged, and killed us—indeed, mamma said there was no knowing what horrors they might commit, and she desired me to scratch my face with my nails, and disfigure myself, in case they should wish to carry me off! Did you ever hear such an idea?

 

Well! ere long the national guards marched in with their bands playing. Papa went to meet them with a deputation. Our servants all ran out to see the soldiers, and I could not find mamma anywhere; the day before, she had never ceased searching for a place to conceal herself in—never answering me when I called and looked for her; and if by chance I found her in a wardrobe, or in the clock, she scolded me severely for discovering her hiding-place.

 

As I was left quite alone, I thought the best thing I could do was to lay out the table with every sort of eatable and wine I could find; that at least these national guards should not eat me, but find something else prepared for them; and I determined in my own mind to give them quietly everything they asked for, and let them see I did not fear them in the least; and then I waited with the utmost resignation to hear cries for help through the streets.

 

At last the sound of spurred footsteps and clinking swords echoed along the corridor, but no noise or swearing; au contraire, a very polite double knock at the door. In my terror or flurry, however, I had no power to say, Come in. But do not imagine they broke in the door with their muskets—not at all, they only repeated the knock, and waited till I gave permission, in a trembling voice—expecting at least six dog-faced Tartars to enter, with square heads and skin caps—beards down to their girdles, and dressed in bears' hides, with leather sacks over their shoulders, to thrust their plunder into; and covered all over with pistols and knives, as I have heard mamma describe them; but conceive my surprise, when, instead of all this, two young officers walked in; one fair, and the other dark, but very well dressed, and just like other people.

 

They wore small fur cloaks across their shoulders, and under this, a tight-fitting attila—no idea of skins or square heads; indeed, the dark one was quite a handsome youth.

 

Their first action was to beg pardon for any inconvenience they might cause; to which I replied, that I considered it no inconvenience whatever, and was ready to serve them in any way they wanted.

 

The dark youth, glancing at the table, could scarcely refrain from a smile, which embarrassed me extremely, as I thought he must have supposed I had prepared all this on purpose for him. At last the other relieved my embarrassment, by thanking me politely for all my proffered services, and only begged I would show them an apartment where they could take some rest, as they were very tired, not having slept in a bed for six weeks, or lain down at all for two days.

 

Poor creatures! I quite pitied them—not to have slept in a bed for six weeks!

 

“Indeed!” I exclaimed, “it must have been very uncomfortable to have been obliged to sleep on a divan, or even in a camp-bed, for six entire weeks!”

 

They both laughed. “On the bare ground—on the snow—under the clear sky,” they replied.

 

Oh, heavens! even our servants would have died, had they been obliged to pass one winter's night out of doors.

 

I begged them to follow me, and showed them our best room, in which there were two beds. As the servants were all out, I was going to make down the bed myself.

 

“Oh, we cannot allow that!” they both exclaimed, “we can do that ourselves;” and seeing they had need of rest, I bowed, and hastened to leave them alone.

 

Scarcely had I reached my own room, when I heard a terrible shriek, which seemed to proceed from the apartment I had just left, and cries of “Help! robbers! murder!”

 

I knew the voice, but in my terror I could not remember who it was, and still the cries continued, “Help! murder!”

 

If you can imagine my situation, you may suppose that I never moved from the spot on which I stood, till the voice, echoing through the rooms, at last approached my apartment.

 

It was my dear mamma!—but in what a plight!

 

Her clothes all crumpled, her cap over her eyes, one of her shoes off, and her whole face as red as if she had come out of an oven. It was a long time before I could make out where she had been, or what had happened to her. Well! only fancy. She had hid in the very room where I had quartered my two guests, and where, do you think?—in one of the beds, under all the feather quilts! Now you may imagine the rest, and the surprise of the national guard officer when he threw himself down half dead with fatigue. Poor mamma had good reason to cry out; but what an idea, to hide there!

 

After much trouble, I calmed her a little, and endeavoured to persuade her that these national guards had not come to rob or kill us; and, finally, I succeeded so far, that she promised not to hide again, and I undertook to explain to the officers, that mamma had the rheumatism, and was obliged to get under all these feather beds, by way of a vapour bath!

 

Meanwhile our guests had scarcely time to fall asleep, when an orderly arrived, who desired to speak with them.

 

“You cannot see them at present,” I replied—”they are both asleep; but you may wait, or come again.”

 

“Where are they sleeping?” he asked.

 

I showed him the room, and without the slightest consideration, as to whether it was proper to awake them, after being two whole days without rest, he walked coolly into the room.

 

I expected they would have immediately cut the man in pieces for disturbing them, instead of which, in a few minutes, they both appeared, completely dressed, and followed the orderly, without the slightest sign of displeasure. The major had sent for them.

 

How strange this military life must be, how people can submit without the least resistance! I should be a very bad soldier indeed, for I always like to know beforehand why I am ordered to do a thing.

 

In about half an hour the officers returned—no ill-humour or sleepiness was visible; they did not even return to their rooms; but asked for mamma and me, and announced to us in very flattering terms, that the officers' corps had improviséd a ball for that night, to which we were invited, and then they immediately begged to engage me for a française, a csardas, and a polonaise (there was to be no waltzing), and I naturally promised everything.

 

It was our first ball since the Carnival, and they seemed to enjoy the thoughts of it as much as I did, for they would not hear of sleeping any more.

 

Mamma, however, never ceased making every objection and difficulty she could think of.

 

“You have no ball dress.”

 

“My white dress, dear mamma; I only wore it once.”

 

“It is old-fashioned.”

 

“A little bow of national ribbon, and you will have the prettiest of new fashions,” interrupted the dark officer.

 

“But my foot aches,” persevered mamma.

 

“But there is no absolute necessity for your dancing, dear mamma.”

 

The officers did not laugh—out of politeness; and for the same reason, mamma did not scold me till they had gone away.

 

“You foolish child,” she said angrily, “to rush openly in the face of danger, and ruin yourself intentionally!”

 

I thought mamma was afraid I should take cold, as she always was, when I prepared for a ball; and to calm her fears I reminded her that there was to be no waltzing. This made her still more angry. “You have no sense,” she exclaimed. “Do you suppose they are giving this ball that they may dance? not at all! it is all finesse—all a plot of the national guards, to get the young girls of the town together, when they will probably seize them, and carry them off to Turkey.”

 

“Ah, mamma! why, officers are not allowed to marry in time of war,” I reminded her, laughing.

 

On this she scolded me still more, called me a little goose, and told me I should find out to my cost; and with this threat she left me to prepare for the ball.

 

I was busy enough until evening getting everything ready. According to the officer's advice I wore a broad red-white-green ribbon as a sash, and my coiffure was a simple bouquet of white and red roses, to which the green leaves gave the national colour. I never observed before how well these colours blend.

 

The two officers waited on us en pleine parade, and paid us so many compliments, I could not imagine how they learnt them all. I was obliged to laugh, to put off my embarrassment.

 

“Well, you will see tears will be the end of all this,” said mamma; but nevertheless she continued arranging and altering something or other about my dress, that if they did carry me away, they should at least find everything in order.

 

The officers accompanied us to the ballroom. I was already enjoying the idea of the effect which my national ribbon and our two beaux would produce; and, entre nous, I could not give up the hope, that if all the others really had square heads, we should have the only two round ones in the room!

 

But great was my mistake and surprise.

 

There was not one of my companions who had not at least twice as much national ribbon on her dress as I had; and as to the officers, our two cavaliers held but the third rank among them.

 

One was more agreeable, more fascinating, handsomer, livelier than the other; how is it possible that men like these can shed so much blood!

 

There was one in particular who attracted my attention—not mine alone, but everybody's. He was a young captain—his strikingly handsome face, and tall, graceful figure became the braided attila so well, it seemed to have been moulded on him.

 

And then his dancing! with what animation he went through the mazur and csardas; one could have rushed through the crowd to embrace him—I do not talk of myself; and, what was more than dancing—more than compliments, a je ne sais quoi in the large, dark, dreamy eyes; you cannot imagine that, it is not to be described—it bewildered, inspired, overpowered, and enchanted at the same moment. In less than an hour, every girl in the room was in love with him. I do not except myself. If they are as irresistible on the field of battle, I do not know what could withstand them. Imagine my feelings, when all at once he stepped up to me and requested the honour of the next quadrille!

 

Unfortunately, I was engaged. What would I not have given at that moment, had a courier entered to call away my dancer.

 

“Perhaps the next one?” said the captain, seating himself beside me.

 

I do not know what I said, or whether I replied at all; I only know I felt as I do when flying in a dream.

 

“But you will forget, perhaps, that you promised me?” he continued.

 

Had I not suddenly recollected myself, I should probably have told him that sooner could I forget my existence; however, I only replied, in a very indifferent tone, that I should not forget.

 

“But you do not know me!”

 

A country simpleton would have answered in my place, “Among a hundred—among thousands! at the first glance!”

 

Not I! As if I were doing the simplest thing in the world, I took a single rosebud from my breast and gave it to him. “I shall know you by this,” I said, without betraying the slightest agitation.

 

The captain silently pressed the rose to his lips; I did not look, but I knew it. I would not have encountered his eyes at that moment for all the world.

 

He then left me and sat down under a mirror opposite; he did not dance, and seemed absorbed in his own reflections.

 

Meanwhile two csardas and a polonaise were danced, after which our quadrille would come. You may conceive how long the time appeared; these eternal “harom a tanczes” seemed absolutely to have no end. I never saw people dance so furiously; and although it was the third night they had not slept, nothing would tire them out. However, I amused myself pretty well by making the acquaintance of the commander of the battalion, Major Sch——, who is a most diverting person.

 

His name is German; and though he speaks Hungarian shockingly, he will always speak it, even if he is addressed in German or French. Then he is most dreadfully deaf, and accustomed to such loud-toned conversation, one would think the cannons were conversing together.

 

They say he is a very gallant soldier; but his appearance is not prepossessing—an uncouth, grotesque figure, with a long thin face, short-cut hair, and a grisly beard, which is not at all becoming. But the most amusing thing was, that what I spoke he did not hear; and what he spoke I did not understand. He brought me over a box of bonbons; and I complained of the badness of confectionary in our town. He probably supposed from my grimace that somebody had offended me at the ball, and answered something, from which—by the gestures which accompanied it—I could only infer that he intended cutting the offender in pieces; unless indeed what others would express under such circumstances may be the common gesticulation of men who live in war.

 

At last, my quadrille came. The band played the symphony, and the dancers hastened to seek their partners.

 

My heart almost burst from my dress when I saw my dancer approach, and, bowing low, press the little flower to his heart.

 

I fear my hand trembled as he took it in his; but I only smiled, and made some observation about the music.

 

“Ah, you are carrying off my neighbour!” cried the major, laughing, with one of his “annihilating” gesticulations.

 

As we joined the columns, somebody whispered behind us, “What a well-matched couple!”

 

Ah, Ilma! how happy I was! I felt, as we stood there, hand in hand, as if his blood were flowing into mine, and mine into his! We waited for the music; but before it could begin, the noise of horses' feet were heard galloping up the street, and, at the same time, several cannons were fired at a distance, which made all the windows rattle. Suddenly an officer entered the ballroom, with his csako on his head, and covered with mud, and announced that the enemy had attacked the outposts.

 

The major had heard the cannon, and read from the courier's face what he could not understand from his words.

 

“Ah, that's right!” he exclaimed, clapping his hands, and again those fearful gestures by which people express killing. “We were only waiting for them, messieurs; we must ask our ladies for a few moments' leave—just a few moments, mes dames; we shall return immediately, and meanwhile you can rest.”

 

And he hastened to put on his sword; all the other officers ran to get theirs—and I saw the gay, courtly, flattering expressions suddenly change to angry, fierce, threatening countenances; but one and all seemed eager to start, as if they had expected it all along.

 

My dancer, too, forsook me to look for his sword and csako. His step was the firmest, his eye the keenest of all; if I had hitherto felt happiness—more than happiness—in looking at him, admiration, enthusiasm now filled my breast.

 

As he buckled on his sword, a strange fever seemed to burn in all my veins; I could have wished to be in the battle with him, to ride beside him, and dash with him into the midst of the enemy!

 

He still held my rose in his hand, and, as he took up his csako, he placed it beside the cockade; and then he turned back, as if he sought something through the crowd—our eyes met!—he hastened away, and the ballroom was empty!

 

Meanwhile we remained alone, as if nothing had happened; the major had given orders that none should leave the rooms before his return. It was the longest hour I ever spent.

 

Many of us stood at the windows listening to the cannon, and trying to guess the result, as they sounded now nearer, now more distant. None judged it advisable to go home, as the combat might have ended in the streets, and they thought it better to await the decision where we were.

 

Ere long, the sounds began to recede further and further, till at last they ceased entirely. The civilians concluded by this that the national guards had gained the victory. They were right. In less than a quarter of an hour we heard them return with great noise and clatter. And the officers entered the room gaily, as if nothing had happened; many of them wiped something from their dross—perhaps mud or blood—and each hastened to find and cheer his partner.

 

“Where did we leave off?” cried one.

 

“At the quadrille,” replied several at once, and began arranging the columns as if they had just come out of the supper-room. My dancer and the major were alone absent!

 

In vain my eyes were fixed on the door—every instant someone entered, but not the one I sought.

 

At last the major appeared. He looked round, and when he saw me, immediately approached, and, making a grotesque bow, without waiting for me to speak, “Fair lady!” he said, “your dancer entreats your pardon for this breach of politeness; but he is unable with the best will to enjoy the happiness of dancing the française with you, having been shot through the leg, which is obliged to be amputated above the knee.”

 

Oh, Ilma! I shall never dance a quadrille again.

 

 

I am very ill! I am overwhelmed by despair!