Russ Bickerstaff

Obtrusive Shadow

​

​

My shadow was whispering to me. I couldn’t quite tell what it was saying. But I’m pretty sure the whispering was coming from the shadow. And I don’t know what it was that it might have been saying, but I knew that the whispers were coming from the shadow. I don’t know why it was so unsettling. Maybe it was the fact that I wasn’t exactly in the right frame of mind to deal with my shadow suddenly deciding to talk to me. It was a busy day and there really was a hell of a lot to get done and I couldn’t really afford to have this weird paranormal sort of a mystery hanging over my head distracting me.

​

Of course...it WASN’T exactly hanging over my head. It was just...hanging out next to me. Slouching around right next to me, which was weird given the fact that there wasn’t exactly a strong light source for it to be coming from or anything like that. I felt a kind of distance from the whole thing that I didn’t entirely understand because it wasn’t exactly following the flow of physics or anything like that. It was just...there without any respect for...me or physics or anything like that.

​

I managed to make it through an entire phone call with a client without shouting at the shadow even though it was going on and on about whatever the hell ti was that it was talking about throughout the entire call. I felt like chastising it afterwards, but I knew that would only encourage it on some level and then...I mean then there was also the fact that it would probably be something that I was going to have to deal with on one level or another. And I didn’t want ot feel like I was going crazy or anything. So there was that. 

​

I was convinced that the shadow wasn’t some kind of hallucination. I’m not the type of person to be dealing with this sort of hallucination. I may not know a whole hell of a lot about me, but I know that I’m not exactly the type of person to be confused by a hallucination. As near as I can make out, all of my hallucinations are firmly labeled...or...at least...I feel as though I’m the type of person who would be plagued by confusing hallucinations.

​

It’s just continuing to talk there as it follows my off to lunch. And I mean...it doesn’t really seem to be behaving like any kind of hallucination. I don’t know how I know that...I think the biggest issue that...the biggest reason why it is that I’m so convinced that this isn’t any kind of hallucination is the fact that this doesn’t seem to be that kind of story. That’s what I’m thinking anyway. I just don’t think that I’m in that type of story. I don’t know for certain what makes me say that, but I mean...I am the center of this thing and I think that I can probably trust my instincts on that much.

​

Granted...I mean...my shadow seems to be whispering something to me about the fact that I can’t trust my instincts on anything at all, but I mean...I think that’s just my own insecurity talking more than anything. I mean...it’s all unintelligible whispering. My mind is going to translate all that weird whispering into whatever it is that I think I should be hearing and I guess on some level I kind of feel like I should be a little less confident than I am given the fact that...y’know...I’ve got a shadow talking to me and everything. And I know it’s not just in my head because I’m fairly certain that other people in and around the office are all looking at me like they can see this really, really prominent shadow standing next to me without any respect for where the actual light sources are or anything like that. And I mean...that’s just more or less where I am on it right now. But I really don’t know what it is that’s going on right now. 

​

I want to specifically come right out and ask like...well...maybe not my supervisor, but SOMEONE about this shadow and what it is that they think that I should do about it, but I really don’t know what it is that can be done at this stage. There are only like...a couple more paragraphs after this one and then who knows where it is I will be? I don’t know. I could end up anywhere at all to the end of the last sentence. That’s all I’m saying. I mean...what are the concerns of a single protagonist and accompanying shadow to the great unknown that rests beyond the last period in the last paragraph?

​

I like to think that when that last paragraph hits, I’m going to be out. I’m going to be gone. And maybe you might see me show-up somewhere at some point in the future, but it’s not like I have the time to describe myself in any significant detail with only a little over 100 words left to go in the story. It’s not like...it’s not like I’m going to be able to do all that much about it anyway and it’s not like I have any outstanding features.

​

And so I guess in some sense I could be said to be a shadow as well. I think...I’d like to think that maybe you might see a shadow at some point in the future that might not necessarily be obeying the simple laws of physics. And maybe that might be me. And if you listen really closely maybe you’ll hear me saying something. And I think...I think that maybe all I’m going to be saying is, “hello.” Maybe that’s all that it really comes down to at the end of the last sentence. 

 

​

​

Russ Bickerstaff is a critic and author living in Milwaukee, WI.

​

​